A dear friend understands and teaches the Myers Briggs personality test like it’s tattooed on the back of her hand. In fact, she can watch individuals interact and decipher their four magic letters in under 45 seconds. When I took the test in college and told her I tested out as an extrovert. However, quite a bit of energy she proclaimed, “No you aren’t! You are an introvert!”. I debated with her what about my test results until she gave in by explaining that I was probably borderline E/I. It is now 15 years later since that conversation and as much as it pains me to say she was right, I do re-gain my energy when I’m by myself than in the midst of a crowd.
But whether I’m an introvert or extrovert, nor the results of my personality test is not the reason for my post. Since Easter, I’ve been thinking about Heaven and how it will actually be. Now don’t panic, I’m not writing about what Heaven will be like, so stay with me. What do you think Heaven will be like? Are there aspects that freak you out? Most of us dream of seeing loved ones that have died and I can’t tell you how many hours I’ve spent daydreaming of not having to deal with the difficulties of this world.
My ideal version of Heaven is sitting at the Free Starbucks café (I mean it is Heaven) with Jesus talking about how he really felt in the Garden or at the Last Supper. I’d ask him if he had the temptation to get mad at God for not creating another plan where he didn’t have to suffer so much? What did he do during the three days between his death and resurrection? Did he experience pure joy when Peter started walking on water? I would asked God how he felt as he watched Adam and Eve eat the apple! I would want to take long walks with the Trinity and just enjoy each other’s company. I would love to stand on mountain peaks and look at all they created while the rush of the realization that I’m standing with the creators washes over my spirit.
To be honest though, I start to get anxious when I think about the scriptures declare billions of people will bow down and sing praises to God. At first just the mere fact of joining with billions in song does send chills down my spine, however, fear follows in close cadence behind because I’ve participated in churches where singing praises has been a competition or performance based and if you didn’t measure up you didn’t make the cut. I can’t help but wonder how I’ll ever get quality time with Jesus when I have to share him with billions of people! Or what about the powerful Saints who’ve gone before me who are way more spiritual than I am and will I even matter?? On earth I can believe God cares for me because I can go in my room and be alone with him, but Heaven seems like an extroverts dream come true! Will God be able to see me admits the ocean of bodies? Yes, Heaven will touch everyone’s spirit and in a world where it’s so rare that we agree on anything, it seems surreal that we can agree in Heaven.
So I’m not as excited about going to Heaven as I desire to be.
I know scripture enough to know that we are all incapable of truly understanding what Heaven will be like, but the bigger question for me is: Do these feelings and thoughts prevent me from being a strong witness for God? If I have reservations, then is that why I turn down my Pandora channel when Christian music plays because it seems too mellow or do I fail to share about God’s love because I have so many questions still. Since I can’t make sense of Heaven, I often fail to make sense of Earth. Is it because of this difficulty that my energy level is low for evangelism and not just because I’m an introvert?
You see we can’t begin to promote God until we know what hinders us in our relationship with him. Everyone struggles with God because we are approach life from the human perspective. We won’t overcome these issues, but awareness leads to change. We can give into the fear that we’ve failed, we can believe we are not loved, we can assume our worth is null in void since we’ve not had any success recently, we can assume Heaven won’t be for our personality type. OR we can stop right now and turn towards what doesn’t make sense. We can chose to believe God is Good, we can believe the difficult situation will work our, we can love those who are underserving in our eyes, we can offer hope to someone who annoys us, we can depend on God to provide for our financial and mental needs. IT’S ALL ABOUT CHOICE!!! But be careful the choice to trust and believe God rarely means things turn out how you are picturing it will in you mind right now. But how do you want to live life on earth and in Heaven? Will you trust God? Where do you need God to show in your life right now, ask him to give you a sign no matter how small and then believe when it comes.